This is part 9 of my SAO fanfiction. You can start with Part 1 here. I’m going to experiment in writing this one in a s script format.
Imouto amushes Nerd at school, on her way to kendo practice.
Nerd: Lyfa, want to party with me tonight?
Imouto: No, I’m going to escort Kirito-kun to the tower. And my name’s not Lyfa!
Nerd: Sorry, Imouto. But why? You’ll be going so far, overnight, with a shady guy like that?
Imouto blushes and beats Nerd with her sword.
Imouto: It-it’s not like that! I don’t like him or anything, ok?!
Nerd: I know, Lyfa— I mean Imouto, I’m the only one you like. It’s just that I wanted to spend the night with you too. I’m a bit jealous.
Imouto: Yeah, you’re totally the only one I like. It’s not like I’m in love with my brother or anything. That would be so sick. Don’t worry, Nerd, I’ll party with you another night.
Later that night. Imouto is iwalking around home in her underwear, massaging her breasts.
Imouto: It’s not like I’m in love with Kirito-kun who is definitely not my brother. I’m just showing him the way. I’d go on an overnight trip with anyone for that.
Imouto puts on her head gear and enters the world of ALfheim Online. Kirito is already waiting for her.
Imouto: Let’s go. We have to climb this tower to start our flight.
Kirito: Tonight, you can climb my tower to start your flight, if you catch my drift.
Kirito and Imouto are stopped by Bully.
Bully: Lyfa is in our party. You can’t have her.
Kirito: Fuck off. You think Imouto would party in bed with that pathetic, shriveled sword?
Bully: Shut up. You’re just another Spriggan who likes to rummage through trash!
Bully’s Friend A: Boss, don’t! People will judge us for murdering someone in public!
Bully’s Friend B: Yeah, don’t do it. Let’s wait until no one’s watching.
Bully: Fine, I’ll let you two go this time. But Lyfa, you’ll regret this betrayal… One day, I will forcibly make you join my party… in bed.
Imouto: Pssh, you could never keep up with me in swordplay like Kirito-kun can. Even Nerd’s sword is bigger than yours! Kirito-kun is my new partner!
Kirito and Imouto leave, and head to the roof of the tower.
Imouto: I love the world of ALfheim Online, how I can fly freely in the sky.
Imouto: How do you like my magical elf melons, Kirito? That’s the other thing I like about flying, how they jiggle so freely. In the real world I always have to imprison them.
Kirito: I… will be looking forward to this.
Yui jumps out of Kirito’s pocket.
Yui: No, daddy! Don’t fall for her sorcery! Daddy belongs to me and mommy! Yui casts enchantment!
Yui kisses Kirito on the cheek. Kirito blushes.
Kirito: Sorry, Yui.
Yui: Daddy can look but not touch.
Nerd: Lyfa, I will join you! My sword belongs to you alone!
Imouto: I don’t really need it, though. That’s so tiny it doesn’t even qualify as a sword. Look at what Kirito has. Now that’s a sword!
Nerd: Well, in real life your magic elf melons aren’t so big either!
Imouto beats Nerd up some.
Nerd: Well, I’ll let you two go alone. I need to do some investigation. But Kirito-kun, remember, I know Lyfa in real life. And just so we’re clear, she’s my—
Imouto stomps on Nerd’s foot. Kirito and Imouto leave, and fly towards the large tower at the center of the world. Yui peeks out of Kirito’s pocket.
Yui: I can understand how he feels. Ah, the passions of youth. He likes you, Lyfa-san.
Imouto: I d-don’t know! I like him too, but I also like big swords…
Kirito: You’re right. It’s the sword that makes the man. You can do better.
The scene changes to Asuna’s bird cage. Evil Elf Guy gropes Asuna and tells her that Kirito doesn’t have the guts to play videogames anymore.
Kirito and Imouto take turns logging out while they guard each other’s bodies. Imouto is first. Kirito closely examines Lyfa’s elf melons while she is gone.
Kirito realizes that Lyfa’s magical elf melons look quite similar to Imouto’s. Imouto’s and Asuna’s are the only elf melons he’s ever seen, and Lyfa’s are nowhere near as huge as Asuna’s. Kirito remembers the time he saw Imouto’s elf melons. He mentally enlarges them by a factor of three.
Next it is Imouto’s turn to stand guard. Imouto looks at Kirito’s comatose body. She grabs the half eaten pixie stick and begins to suck on it, before she realizes she’s made an indirect kiss.
Imouto: It’s no big deal. It’s not that I’m in love with him or anything. Although he does look dashingly handsome, almost like my big brother.
Imouto begins to cuddle with Kirito’s comatose body. Yui pops out of Kirito’s pocket.
Yui: Don’t rape daddy! Leave daddy alone!
Imouto: How can you move when your master is gone?!
Imouto: You… do it with your own dad? Do you like him?
Yui: Lyfa-san, what does it mean to like someone? I’m an AI for managing human psychology, but I don’t know what that means…
Imouto: Would you like him to stick his sword in your sheath?
Yui: Hm? That’s it? Sure, daddy does that all the time with me and mommy. We like each other!
Imouto: Wow. Famillies these days are so liberal. Then you might be a good person to talk to. Let me tell you about my brother, Kirito…
Continued in Part 10 — Kirito Eats Imouto.