Sword Art Online Hollow Realization 02 — Kirito Learns About Consent

This is part 42 of my SAO summary / fanfiction, and you can start from the beginning here.

Kirito, Asuna and Kirito enjoyed their family time at the inn.

I love my family, thought Kirito, but really, I’ve been in this new game for an entire day and I haven’t even whacked a single monster with my sword. I’ve wasted this entire time with my family and friends. I’m a beater, not a cheater, do these people think I became the legendary dual wielding swordsman by having skills just fall into my lap?

Kirito left the room to go find a quest. Could he get the dual wielding skill to magically fall into his lap and make him the greatest swordsman, just like last time? In the inn lobby, he ran into Sinon.

“Hi Kirito! I’m looking forward to playing this game with you. Thanks to your help in letting me play with your enormous gun, I was able to overcome my fear. Now I can enjoy having you fire your gun inside my holster so much.”

“No, Sinon, I should be the one thanking you. You opened a whole new world for me. I never realized that being on the receiving end of the gunfire could feel so great too. It was even more wonderful for me.”

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“Heh… Okay. Why don’t we settle on the fact that it was evenly wonderful for both of us.”

“But this game doesn’t have guns. I’ll have to introduce you to swordplay.”

“I’ll look forward to it! I got a spear so we can try that out too. See you around, Kirito!”

Kirito and Sinon left the hotel. As soon as he stepped outside, Kirito’s muscles froze in place.

“KIRITO!” boomed out a mighty voice. “LET ME EXPLAIN HOW TO ADJUST THE ANGLE OF YOUR CAMERA!”

“Oh fucking shit,” exclaimed Kirito. “I just want to kill some monsters already. Bug off you stupid tutorial. I’m a beater already, I don’t need this n00b shit.”

“Oh, wait! Actually, let me see that again. This could be useful. Let me test this out while Sinon’s still here.”

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Kirito meticulously adjust the camera angle. “Oooh, that’s what I’m talking about! Wait… what the fuck?!!! These graphics suck! Sword Art Online had much more realistic physics models!!!”

Kirito spent the next twenty minutes scrolling through the tutorial screens as quickly as possible. “Oh, wait, I read that too fast! Go back!”

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“THESE ICONS INDICATE PLACES WHERE YOU CAN SKIP THE SMALL TALK AND HAVE A MORE INTIMATE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FRIEND.”

“Well, okay… but what if I want to skip the conversation too? Don’t have any time for that shit, there’s questing to do.”

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“USING THE LEFT STICK, YOU CAN GET CLOSER TO YOUR FRIEND AND MAKE A BOLD MOVE.”

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!”

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“ONCE YOUR FRIEND WARMS UP TO YOU, YOU’LL BE ABLE TO HOLD HANDS OR CARRY THEM IN YOUR ARMS IN PUBLIC.”

“Ok, seems typical. Guess I’d better beef up my STR, especially with Asuna’s high level cooking skill…”

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“TAKING THEM TO YOUR ROOM AT THE INN WHILE PERFORMING EITHER ACTION ALLOWS YOU TO HAVE VERY INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS.”

“Dude, I already told you, I’m not interested in the conversations. And wait, I already did this last night, I don’t need a tutorial for it.”

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“FRIENDS WHO DO NOT KNOW YOU WELL WILL NOT CONSENT TO PILLOW TALK. YOU MUST GET TO KNOW THEM FIRST.”

“Huh? Why…? This game doesn’t make any sense… Wait. This information is clearly wrong. Must have fixed it in the latest patch. I had some ‘pillow talk’ with my daughter Strea last night… and let’s be honest, I have no idea who the fuck she was. Not that it matters, damn, those bucklers… Well, let’s try this out.”

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“Hey, guys! If it isn’t three of my favorite people,” Kirito lied.

A heart icon appeared above Silica’s head. He lifted her in a princess carry and stepped towards the inn.

“Wait, Kirito, I’m not ready yet!” said Silica.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind younger girls,” said Kirito.

From behind, Imouto kicked Kirito in the balls and Liz bashed him in the head with her hammer. Kirito was stunned. He dropped Silica. As Silica protested that she would come back with a tentacle monster to help, Imouto and Liz dragged her off while glaring at Kirito.

Kirito recovered from his stun. “Oh well, I wanted to do some questing anyway.” Kirito headed towards the bulletin board to find a quest. On the way, he met up with Asuna.

But before they reached the bulletin board, Kirito ran straight into a girl.

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She fell. “Please help me.”

Where is the heart marker? thought Kirito. She’s kind of cute. Asuna glared at him.

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“Ooh! Poor girl, she landed right on her… *ahem* rear-bits. Here, take my hand.”

Kirito helped her off the ground.

“Ok, I’ll help you, if you help me level my sword skills first. Follow me.”

“I understand.” The girl followed closely behind Kirito as he walked towards the bulletin board.

He ran into Sinon again there. For some reason she looked angry. Actually, Kirito noticed, Asuna looked angry too.

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“Please, tell me you have attracted yet another girl who will follow at your heels like a puppy,” said Sinon.

“Please help me,” the girl said.

“Seems like it. I can’t help how popular I am.”

“What’s her name?” asked Asuna. “I guess she might be joining our family soon.”

“Please help me,” the girl said.

“Hmm, I don’t know. Not like it matters. Let me check.” Kirito checked the menu. “What? She doesn’t have a name! Oh! And she’s also an NPC!”

“Well, we should give her a name,” said Sinon. “How about Premiere, because this is her first time.”

“Having a name, I mean.”

“Sure, whatever,” said Kirito. “You’re Premire from now on.”

“Premiere,” the girl smiled. “Please help me.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go,” said Kirito. “I need to raise my sword skills.”

“It reminds me of when I first met Kirito,” said Asuna as they left. “It was the beginning of a whole new life.”

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“Today is kinda like that for her. It’s her first day as an independent girl with motivations and character all her own. It’s all thanks to Kirito-kun. Before he met her she was empty, without even a name. But now she has begun to change. I hope Kirito can make other girls live meaningful and fulfilling lives just like me.”

To be continued…

6 thoughts on “Sword Art Online Hollow Realization 02 — Kirito Learns About Consent

  1. You know, between your fanfic and SAO Abridged, I got more entertainment out of Sword Art Online than 90% of anime (yes, I know 90% of anime sucked, but that’s beside the point). Screw Madoka and Evangelion, SAO is the true savior of anime.

  2. I genuinely wonder if SAO (well, the guy who writes the LNs and whoever does the games) is actually aware of how depraved this series is.

  3. I wonder what was in the mind of the guy who wrote the information messages, that would have been a really sucky job (or amazing depending on your view).

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