Sword Art Online II 13 — Death Gun’s Death

The results are in, and Sword Art Online’s depiction of butts is less realistic than that of Rail Wars. Note for animators: you need to properly model gravity. F = G \frac{m_1 m_2}{r^2}. If m_1 and m_2 are the masses of Sinon’s butt cheeks, and r is the distance between them, then F is non-negligible.

On to this week’s episode! This is part 30 (OMG!) of my SAO fanfiction, and you can start from the beginning here.

Kirito and Death Gun continued their struggle in the desert, getting down and dirty and covered with sweat.

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Death Gun panted heavily from the exertion. “You will never defeat me if you can’t remember me! Bwah ha ha ha!”

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“Damn it!” Kirito grunted. “Wait, I remember! You’re the guy with the red eyes and the skull mask! The guy who looked just like Death Gun! Except, you know, without the gun.”

“Noooo! How could you see through my disguise?!!!”

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While Death Gun was distracted, Kirito chopped him in half.

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“Goodbye, Death Gun. Or I should say… ‘Dead Gun.'”

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Kirito and Sinon shared an incredibly awkward, half-assed fist bump.

“Now we need to finish this,” said Kirito.

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“Want to have another duel like yesterday, in the cave?”

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“You’re a mess. Take a shower first. Then come to my house and we’ll duel on my bed in the real world.”

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“My address is…”

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“Now, catch!”

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Sinon glomped Kirito and they went out in a lover’s suicide.

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The crowd roared with excitement. This is what they wanted to see. Two of the players teaming up to take out all their opponents, then calling it a draw at the end. This was the most exciting BoB they had ever seen!

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Back in the real world, Beta stopped by to give Sinon some food.

“Hey, Sinon, I saw you and Kirito’s swordplay on the livestream.”

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“Let’s do some swordplay of our own now.”

“I don’t want to, your sword isn’t big enough, like Kirito-kun’s.”

“It doesn’t matter, because I’m raping you. Bwah ha ha ha!”

“What…. Why would you do such a thing, Beta?! I thought we were friends!”

“Well, I was going to become a doctor.”

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“But that jackass Zexceed spread that lie about agility types being the strongest!”

“So I became a rapist and a murderer. I had no choice.”

“It can’t be… Beta… Are you… Death Gun?!”

“Close, but not quite. I’m Death Gun’s younger brother. You can call me… Death Gun Jr.!”

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“Now, Sinon, I will let your fine ass experience my Death Gun!”

“I kind of want to experience it so I can make fun of how puny your Death Gun is, but… Noooo! Kirito-kun, save me!”

Kirito barged through the door and whacked Death Gun Jr. in the face.

Continued in Part 31

5 thoughts on “Sword Art Online II 13 — Death Gun’s Death

    1. Yeah, sometimes I barely have to embellish the original material at all. This post, for example, is more or less a straight-up retelling, and it’s one of the most ridiculous I’ve written.

  1. Buhaha I can’t believe I missed this. SAO is such that you could read these fanfics and not miss a thing… rather than fanfics they’re more like summaries! So ends the DEATH TOURNAMENT!

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