Sword Art Online 11 — A Happy Family (NSFW)

This is part two in my series of retellings of Sword Art Online episodes. Check out the first part before reading this.

It was only a month since Kirito and Asuna left the front lines for a peaceful cabin in the wilderness, but that already felt like a different lifetime. They had fully settled into their new lifestyle. Instead of fighting monsters on the front lines, Kirito fished, hunted, and gathered food. Asuna cooked. And of course, they had multiple sessions of swordplay every day. They didn’t want their swordplay skills to get rusty for their inevitable return to the front lines.

If Kirito was honest with himself, he was already tired of this lifestyle. He longed to be back on the front lines, waving his naked, massive sword in the middle of battle. This kind of life was too quiet.

Besides, his patience with Asuna was growing more and more thin the more time he spent with her. She was so demanding. She had to have an expensive ring, the most expensive house in the neighborhood, and the choiciest ingredients for her cooking. Women. Always so demanding. She just couldn’t understand what it was like for him, bottling up his sword and his manhood in this cottage in the middle of nowhere.

Of course, it wasn’t all bad. Asuna was still the only one who was worthy partner for practicing swordplay. Especially since Kirito didn’t see Kuradeel much, out here in the middle of nowhere.

Ah, Kirito thought to himself, here Asuna comes now. What’s she going to make me do this time?

“Kirito!” Asuna called out. “I need some ingredients for dinner. Take me into the forest.”

“Ok, let’s go,” Kirito answered, and began heading towards the forest path.

“No, Kirito. Take me there.”

Not this again. This girl…! “Ok, ok, hop on, my princess.”

“Forward march!” Asuna cried, pointing her arm towards the forest.

Kirito sighed. This was the kind of thing that got on his nerves. Even though lifting her was nothing with his high-level STR stat, it was still bothersome. Perhaps he had spoiled her too much.

As they wandered off into the forest, Asuna’s position prevented her from seeing the mischievous grind spreading across Kirito’s face…

 

Asuna was getting tired. It was so hot in the afternoon sun. Maybe she should have carried Kirito instead, he would be more useful as sunblock than as a pack mule.

Just as she was about to ask Kirito to let her down, she found herself hurtling off Kirito’s shoulders into a bush. She wasn’t damaged much because of her high DEF stat, but it was a bit jarring, if nothing else. It looked like Kirito had fallen into a trap of stunning. It would be a few minutes before he could move again. Why didn’t that moron look where he was going?

Asuna looked around for enemies. Usually these traps were accompanied by a few monsters. There they were— just some low-level spiders. No big deal.

“Lady Asuna! I will protect you!” Asuna heard a shout from behind her. It couldn’t be…

“NOOOOO!!!!” screamed Asuna. It was Kuradeel, that creepy stalker who was always following her. She sprinted in the opposite direction as fast as her SPD stat would carry her. Kirito would be alright without her.

 

Several minutes later…

Kirito’s stunning status effect finally wore off. “Hi Kuradeel. Thanks for helping me out. You’re a true friend.”

“No problem. In real life, I’m married myself, so I know what it’s like. One day, you’re madly in love. The next day, she wants you to take out the trash and do the dishes. It’s unbelievable, man. Women, they don’t understand. Men like us, we need time to ourselves. Time to play with our swords.”

“Thanks, Kuradeel. It’ll be great to finally have some time to myself.”

 

Three hours later…

Asuna couldn’t believe it. She still hadn’t found Kirito. She’d looked everywhere: their house, the place where Kirito was trapped… Where in the world could he be? Asuna had briefly considered the possibility he had died, but she couldn’t imagine it. The monsters here were so weak that twenty of them together couldn’t do more damage than Kirito’s regeneration rate.

Wait, what was that? Asuna spotted a patch of black through the trees. “Kirito!!” Asuna cried. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

But as soon as she stepped out of the trees into the light, Asuna stopped in her tracks.

Kirito was holding a girl in his arms. His naked sword glittered in the sunlight.

“Kirito… How… how could you?!” Asuna cried, breaking into tears. “I was looking everywhere for you, and you… you…!”

“Asuna, I can explain! I found this girl alone in the forest and saved her from monsters. That’s why I had my sword out. It isn’t how it looks.”

“Oh, I see… Well, you can explain everything back at the house! This poor girl needs some rest. I’ll get to the bottom of this later.”

Back at the cabin after the girl (whose name was Yui) awoke, Asuna began to interrogate her. “Hey, Yui-chan, what were you doing in the forest? You didn’t play with Kirito’s big sword, did you?”

“Big sword? I played with it. Wanted to put in mouth but daddy no let me. Said maybe when I’m older.”

“KIII-RIIII-TOOO!!!!” Asuna equipped her sword and armor.

“Mommy, don’t fight with daddy!”

“Mommy? Daddy?” Kirito and Asuna looked at each other, confused.

“Mommy. Daddy.” Yui looked at them both with bright, unblinking eyes.

“Kirito, my… my “pregnant” stat is gone! This must be our daughter! The programmer must have been too lazy to implement giving birth, so the child just appears nearby. I’m so happy! Our daughter is so adorable!” cried Asuna, jumping on Kirito and hugging him.

“I’m happy too, Asuna… But, what have I done?! With my own daughter, showing her my naked sword…?!”

“It’s ok, Kirito. She’s a virtual child. That means you aren’t biologically related, so it’s ok. Although of course I’m still mad at you. But I’ll let you off the hook for today. I’ve known how much you wanted to swing that big sword of yours around, and here I was making you stay in the house.”

Later that night, when everyone was asleep, Yui looked at Asuna and Kirito in the bed next to her. “Mommy, why are you eating daddy? Is he yummy? Yui wants to try too!”

“This is a grown-up food, Yui. When you’re older you can try.”

“No, Asuna.” said Kirito, pushing Asuna aside. “Maybe it’s time. We’re not biologically related. If we want to be a real family, this is the only way. Yui, if you think you’re ready, I won’t stop you.”

“Yay! Thanks daddy! Mommy, I want to eat you first!”

Kirito sighed in disappointment.

“Ok, Yui, if you think you’re ready. Please be gentle.”

Several minutes later, Yui was already asleep. Since she was so young, she didn’t have the same endurance as Kirito did, with his high DEF stat. Still, as a mother, Asuna was proud of her daughter and how much she had grown. It was good to have her practice swordplay from a young age so that she would become strong. Kirito was right.

For Kirito and Asuna knew that one day they would return to the front lines of the battle. They would not return alone, but with their daughter, who they would train to become the ultimate weapon. For they knew that they had given birth to a hero, who would change the fate of the world and vanquish the armies of darkness. As parents, Asuna and Kirito would make sure their daughter was ready when the time came.

Continued in Part Three— Yui’s Sword

18 thoughts on “Sword Art Online 11 — A Happy Family (NSFW)

  1. @draggle great fanfaction and by the way after you seen the end of the episode and those few diffrent things about yui what do you think she realy is becouse it not looks like she regular player?

  2. *applause* such a happy family! It’s like the “permadeath and everyone around them in constant danger on dying in this game” has never happened!

    1. Kirito bags Yui’s vomit and stores it in he and Asuna’s super-romantic stored inventory space. Waste not, want not. The next day, Asuna makes a meal using her maxed-out cooking skill. Kirito thinks it is delicious.

  3. Yo, you crazy bastard. How could you let underage girl eats Gary Stu’s hyper weapon? LOL. How about their visit to the town of beginning? You are continuing this fanfics, right? I am looking forward for it. Let’s have Gary Stu practice his hyper weapon on the sensei in nun outfit, after he saved her from faceless mobs. While Asuna and Yui can teach the children swordfighting.
    Hahaha.

  4. his is a fanfiction right? Because the storyline and the details are different in the anime, you guys can watch the full series of S.A.O on youtube

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.