This is part 17 of my SAO summary / fanfiction. You can start with Part 1 here.

Several weeks had passed Kirito rescued Asuna from the fairy kingdom’s den of iniquity, where she was tentacle raped and licked and all other sorts of atrocities laid upon her pure, nubile body by the mad King Oberon. In case the reader has forgotten, King Oberon fell to Kirito in a heroic dance battle, and Kirito then courageously received administrative powers from the hand of a mad scientist’s ghost, and used them to torture the defenseless Oberon, making him suffer as much as any man could suffer. Kirito proved once and for all that he was a true hero, a hero to be reckoned with, and that justice would always prevail as long as his sword stood straight and true in the realm of video games.

Now Kirito and Imouto galloped to school on Kirito’s mighty motorcycle. They could have walked (it was only a few blocks) but a motorcycle was the only vehicle fit for a hero. Kirito had named it after himself, “Stud”. It was black, the color of heroes, and Kirito loved the feel of his pelvis grinding into the hard seat, and the contrast of the soft voluptuousness of his younger sister’s flesh pushing into him from behind. This was actually a disappointment to Kirito, however, and he wished he were back in Alfheim Online, where his sister’s breasts were several orders of magnitude larger. Plus, Kirito had decided, the real world’s coefficient of restitution for human flesh was too low. After seeing his sister’s bounce while she flew through the sky, Kirito knew for sure that the virtual world was superior to the “real” world. He wished he was a GM so he could fix things. But she was still his Imouto, and thus Kirito would swing his sword at her side in love no matter what form her body took.

Asuna, Liz, and the loli were waiting for them at school. They had planned to teach Imouto how to swim. It was a useless skill, but this way, they could complete a quest in Alfheim Online, so she had to learn. They had no choice.

“Imouto, why do you suck at everything?” asked Asuna politely.

“What are you talking about? Water’s the one thing I’m not good with, both in real life and in the game,” answered Imouto.

“And that’s why Kirito loves me,” said Asuna. “I was able to hold two year’s worth of his liquids. And you can’t even swim. That’s why I’m his wife and you’re not.”

“Er, more importantly, isn’t she is sister?” interrupted Liz. Everyone ignored her stupid question.

“You can only hold so much of his liquid because you’re fat,” said the loli. “Kirito doesn’t need a sow like you.”

“Now, now, girls, let’s all share,” Kirito stopped their squabble. A hero’s sword belongs to everyone! “I have to go meet with the counselor. Enjoy your swim!”

“But don’t get too attracted to that pretty counselor. You have a cute girl like me waiting for you, after all!” Liz felt like somehow she was losing.

“O-Oh, come on… Why not? A man’s sword is meant for everyone.”

“Kirito-kun…” Asuna cracked her knuckles. Her face reminded Kirito of the time she heard about how Kirito had helped their daughter Yui open a door.

This was not good. Kirito fled to the counselor’s office.

The instant he stepped inside, Kirito was attracted. Very attracted. He had suspected he would be. He had always been attracted to people a bit older than himself… His sword popped up, bursting at the seams of its scabbard.

“If you need me, I’ll be next door in the prep room. I’d like to spend alone with you and your sword, Kirito-kun~” his counselor whispered as she stepped outside. But Kirito had shown her his sword many times before. Now there was something else he was much more interested in.

“I want to understand you, Kirito. Deeply. To really understand you, I must speak with you. And more.” Since this was the real world, Kirito was worried. His sword was huge, but his swordsmanship skills may not be high enough to deal with this opponent.

“Relax, Kirito. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Just do what I ask for today, and I’ll give you everything you could ever dream of.” The man picked up his suitcase, and dumped its contents on the table.

It was filled with candy. “I accept,” said Kirito, after he popped an almond candy into his mouth.

Kirito told the man of his time in Sword Art Online. That time Klein told him he was cute. The first time he was pierced by another’s sword, with Kuradeel.

“That must have been painful,” interrupted the man, and Kirito knew that he had had a similar experience. This was a man he could relate to and bare his soul.

“It wasn’t. Not really,” Kirito replied, truthfully. “At first it was, but afterwards it felt great. Such pleasure I have never felt since. Even my wife never made me feel like that…”

Then Kirito explained the many times he practiced swordplay with Asuna… and most recently, his feelings towards his sister’s elf-melons… Kirito felt closer to this strange man than he had to anyone ever before.

Meanwhile, Liz molested Imouto in the pool. As a blacksmith, Liz had a good grasp on the shape of things, and understood why Imouto had such difficulties swimming. Her problems swimming would only grow more challenging in the world of Alfheim Online.

After Imouto learned how to swim, the girls rested at the poolside. Each told the story of how she had met Kirito, and sighed and fawned over him as she gazed on the others’ bare bodies and decided hers was the only one he truly wanted.

Liz was by far the brightest of the lot, and she had some doubts. “I wonder if he’s having fun with that pretty counselor right now…”

Liz’s suspicions were spot-on. “Here, Kirito-kun… Here.” The man’s fingers grasped tenderly around the shaft of Kirito’s exposed sword. The man had asked to see it after hearing Kirito’s story. After accepting payment, Kirito had no choice but to accept. Really, though, this was just an excuse. Kirito wanted to show his mighty sword to everyone. He had heard that his mother had died in childbirth because his sword was too large to leave her womb, and he had to prove to the world that there was nothing wrong with it. His sword was huge, but beautiful!

The man firmly polished the bare steel of Kirito’s blade, moving his fingers up and down, up and down, faster and faster. As he did so, Kirito’s blade seemed to grow longer and longer. When properly cleaned, it was even bigger than Kirito had thought possible!

Without warning, the counselor stopped polishing, grabbed Kirito’s sword firmly, and thrust it into his own sheath, which Kirito now noticed was visible on the man’s backside just beneath the hem of the man’s shirt. This sheath was a bit dirty, and Kirito feared he might need to clean it later. But his worries were all taken away in the face of seeing another man treasure his sword so. The man cried aloud, as if he could feel the gigantic sword almost bursting his sheath’s seams.

“Now, Kirito-kun… thrust! Let me feel the power of your swing!”

Kirito thrust with all his might, again and again and again. His training with Asuna had never felt so good. He wished he could train here, with this fine gentleman, forever. But nothing lasts forever…

While Kirito continued thrusting, the girls ate lunch by the pool. The topic of conversation, of course, was Kirito’s sword.

“Last night when I fondled it in my bed, it was only about four inches long,” said Imouto. “But whenever I’ve seen it in Alfehim Online it was much bigger. I guess the virtual world really is superior to the real world…”

“No,” said Asuna, “When I’ve seen it his sword was much longer than that in both worlds, about the same size. It’s just that when he sees you super-sized in Alfheim Online, he also super-sizes. All men are beasts.”

“How big did it seem to you?” asked the loli, listening intently.

“About this big,” Asuna stretched out her fingers.

“Oh, that’s it?” asked the loli, disappointed. “It must shrink when Kirito sees your face and loses all hope for living. Whenever he shows it to me it’s THIS big.”

“Why am I not surprised…” mutter Liz under her breath.

“Actually,” Liz said, louder this time, “When you came to get your sword sharpened, Asuna, I measured his. I could tell you all if you’re curious… You all may have seen his sword, but I’m the one who saw it first, made it what it is, and showed Kirito-kun how to use it…”

“It’s not a question of who saw it first, but how far you went!” shouted Asuna.

“So, how far did you go?” leered Liz.

“Oh, far enough. You know we had a child, why do you even need to ask?”

“And you even had a cute girl like Yui-chan. I wonder how much she’s seen of his sword.”

For once, Asuna had no reply for Liz. Doubtless she was recalling their precious family time together.The loli looked troubled— her sole appeal point, her youthful appearance, may have been lost forever.

Finally, Kirito was done with his counseling session. Everyone headed to the beach in Alfheim Online. Klein and Kirito laid down next to each other. “You know, Kirito, I’ve never been so happy as when I’m with you like this.”

“I’ve never been so happy either… I didn’t know such fabulous sword techniques were possible…”

That was an odd response, Klein thought. But Kirito looked a bit dazed, so Klein didn’t press the issue.

Later, everyone gathered for dinner in Alfheim Online. Dinner was fish.

“Honey-pie, how was your counseling session?” asked Asuna.

“It was great,” Kirito replied. “I never felt such a strong connection to a counselor before. I didn’t know you could ride like that. But he’s really big…” Suddenly Kirito realized what he was saying in front of his wife and daughter. “… that fish!” Kirito recovered smoothly.

Or so he thought. Asuna pulled her daughter away from Kirito and glared at him. Kirito started sweating.

“Daddy, I want to ride a whale! Just like you!”

Kirito breathed a sigh of relief. All was well. Although Asuna might make him sleep on the couch later…

“I know a quest where we can do just that, Yui! Let’s go~~~!”

“Yay! You’re the best, daddy!”

The quest was to recover an old man’s missing ball from an underwater dungeon. Kirito did so, dispatching the enemies within with ease using his blades, his DUAL blades.

He brought the old man’s missing ball to him. But just before he handed it over, Asuna shouted, “Kirito, wait! That can’t be his ball! It’s too big! This old man is just jealous of people with bigger balls, and is nothing but a thief!”

Suddenly, the old man transformed into an octopus! In the biggest twist in anime of 2013, not a single person was tentacle-raped.

A giant fell from the sky, and the octopus fled. “Thanks, Kirito-kun.” The giant spoke. “That’s my ball. Can I have it back? It’s nowhere near the size of yours, but it’s enough for an old man like me.” Kirito gestured to Asuna, and she handed the old man his ball back.

“Thank you! As a reward, I’ll let you ride my whale back to the surface!” Yui cheered.

Everyone hopped off, and clung to the whale. It was a rough ride. The girls moaned in intense pleasure as the whale shook back and forth, but they spread their legs over it and remained mounted, firmly. For Kirito the experience was almost as intense as his earlier brush with the counselor. He was learning all sorts of new techniques today.

As the ride ended, he peeked down Imouto’s shirt. All was well in the world. He knew that in 2014, he would make his return, and be a hero once more.

To be continued… for the new SAO Season 2, which today was announced would air this year! I for one can’t wait!

Continued in Part 18.