Category Archives: Sword Art Online

Sword Art Online 15 — The End of the World and Imouto’s Unquenchable Thirst

This is part 6 in my Sword Art Online fanfiction. If you’re new, start with Part 1.

Last week I was out of town, but Mr. Flawfinder was kind enough to cover for me. His entry for episode 14 is available here.

Every culture has developed imaginative legends of how the world was made. Some say it was created in six days by the words of God, spoken into the void. Others say the world is a turtle, riding on the back of a bigger turtle, without beginning or end. Still others maintain that the world is an island, floating in a sea, suspended from the enormous rock that is the sky.

But the world of Aincrad was created within mortal memory, so no imagination is necessary. In the beginning, the spirit of God moved over the tubes of the interwebs. God saw images of Woman, and God saw that it was good. Seeing that it was good, God was filled with the Spirit of Life. God’s body became stiff and hard, and ascended upwards to pierce the heavens. Life shot forth from the tip of the tower, and God’s body became the world that men call Aincrad.

However, it was prophesied that in the final days, God would grow weary of the images of Woman from the intertubes. In those bleak times, the tower of Aincrad would wither and descend to the earth from whence it came, and not one stone would be left standing upon another. All those who dwelt within Aincrad would perish and return to dust. Continue reading Sword Art Online 15 — The End of the World and Imouto’s Unquenchable Thirst

Sword Art Online 13 — Casting Rods (NSFW)

This is part four of my Sword Art Online fanfiction, which is an accurate summary of events. Start with Part 1 here.

“Greetings, young man. I was once in charge of Sword Art Online’s network security. This game had some minor launch issues, so I’m probably out of a job now. I just want to live the rest of my life in peace. So, would you like to try… FISHING?!!” Continue reading Sword Art Online 13 — Casting Rods (NSFW)

Sword Art Online 12 — Yui’s Sword (NSFW)

This is part three in my quality Sword Art Online fanfiction. You should read parts one and two first. Unbound by shame, I tell the true story of Sword Art Online, including the parts that were self-censored for being too risque for television.

“Daddy!!!” cried Yui, as she ran into the orphanage crying and hugged Kirito’s arm. “I dropped my sword down the sewer and can’t reach it!” Continue reading Sword Art Online 12 — Yui’s Sword (NSFW)

Sword Art Online 11 — A Happy Family (NSFW)

This is part two in my series of retellings of Sword Art Online episodes. Check out the first part before reading this.

It was only a month since Kirito and Asuna left the front lines for a peaceful cabin in the wilderness, but that already felt like a different lifetime. They had fully settled into their new lifestyle. Instead of fighting monsters on the front lines, Kirito fished, hunted, and gathered food. Asuna cooked. And of course, they had multiple sessions of swordplay every day. They didn’t want their swordplay skills to get rusty for their inevitable return to the front lines.

If Kirito was honest with himself, he was already tired of this lifestyle. He longed to be back on the front lines, waving his naked, massive sword in the middle of battle. This kind of life was too quiet. Continue reading Sword Art Online 11 — A Happy Family (NSFW)

Sword Art Online 10 — Kirito’s Courtship (NSFW)

Since Sword Art Online is basically a work of fanfiction, I thought I’d try my own hand at writing this episode. I’ll let you guys tell me which version is better. Don’t worry, I won’t be insulted if you like the show better than my retelling! Also, note that this is NSFW, but it’s not much worse than the actual episode.

Kirito and Kuradeel stand at attention before the commander’s desk, their erect swords gleaming in the morning sunshine that pours through the office window. The commander quickly leafs through a stack of papers, the only item atop his otherwise spotless mahogany desk. Running a guild is a difficult job. Sadly, it mainly consists of paperwork.

Finally, he pushes the papers aside and lifts his eyes.

“Gentlemen,” he begins, slowly massaging a grey lock of hair to the side. “You two came here to waste my time fighting over a woman?”

The two glance at each other angrily, then curtly nod. The commander sighs.

Continue reading Sword Art Online 10 — Kirito’s Courtship (NSFW)